hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
