Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
