First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
