CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
