it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
