I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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