I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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