sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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