This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
