I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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