i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
