That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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