I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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