She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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