i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
