I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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