Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
