we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
