eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize