he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
