he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
