he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
