Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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