I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
