You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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