I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
