I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
