You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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