all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
