I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
