just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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