i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
