If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
