So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize