It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
