I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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