I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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