ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
