just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
