dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
