That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
