he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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