Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
