Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
