there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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