look no pants
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
