I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
