I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
