how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
