cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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