Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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