Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
