last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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