Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
