just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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