Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
