life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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