I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
