Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
