How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
