At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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