THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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