You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
