he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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