I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
