remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am full of burrito and curiosity
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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